Dear Ask Mom-Ask Son,
Hi, Hello po!
Is it true that first love never dies?
I have a classmate way back in 1st year college that really caught my attention the first day I saw him. Yes, he’s really cute. From that day, I felt that I am so interested to be friends with him. However, every time I tried to, I just end up getting mad on him. He’s nice, but at times he’s immature.
Our friendship went deeper when we reached 2nd year, but the special attachment and mutual emotional feelings stopped when the 2nd semester came. Bigla kasi akong lumipat sa special section. I broke my promise to him na hindi ako lilipat and that we’ll be classmates always. Hindi ko naman sinasadya na lumipat ng special section, classmate ko lang kasi ang nakialam at wala akong nagawa dahil nafinalize agad ang changing of subject codes. Mula noon, bihira na lang kaming magkita although we’re still in the same school and same building. He also left our common close friends because I departed from the group. Mula rin noon, naging pabaya na siya sa studies niya. Minsan na lang kami nagiging classmates- sa minor subjects. At nagkakalapit na lang kami dahil sa ibang friends namin na gumagawa ng way for us to be closer.
Na-miss ko talaga siya nung mga times na yun. I just always look at his first ever gift sa akin noon, isang keychain na slippers + picture frame. I don’t know kung may meaning yun o baka talagang wala lang siyang naisip na iregalo.
Dumating ang fourth year at nalaman ko na may iba siyang nililigawan outside the school. So para iwasan ko ang sobrang masaktan pa, pilit ko siyang iniwasan. At para masunod ang gusto ko, kinausap ko siya at sinabi ko ang tunay na dahilan kung bakit kailangan naming iwasan ang isa’t isa, lalo na at nung time na yun, hindi ako pwedeng magpakalunod sa kakaiyak dahil hindi ko pwedeng pabayaan ang pag-aaral ko nun. Nagulat siya at sinabi ko na siguro maling akala lang ako at inisip ko na may pagtingin din siya sa akin. Naisip ko yun dahil ilang beses ko rin siyang nahuhuli noon na tumitingin nang lihim sa akin at tinatanaw niya ako kahit nasa malayo ako nakapuwesto. Sweet din ang mga texts niya at sa tuwing magkikita kami ay lagi niya ako kinakausap at may mga times noon na hindi namin namamalayan ay magkahawak na pala ang kamay namin. Nung sinabi ko yun, hindi naman siya nagsabi kung bakit ganoon ang pakitungo niya sa akin. Naisip ko na umasa lang ako sa wala. Hindi ko rin alam kung baka pinaglaruan lang niya ako although hindi naman ganun ang personality niya. Sumunod naman siya sa sinabi ko na mag-iwasan na lang kami.
Isang araw, may common friend kami na nagustuhan ko. Mula noon, mas lalo na akong naging malayo sa kanya. However, that possible relationship with that friend did not prosper. After a week, walang nangyari. Nagtaka pa nga siya na kami raw pala ng common friend nmin and I told him na hindi, we did not work out.
Dumating ang graduation at muntik pala siyang hindi makagraduate. Wala akong alam non dahil nga sa naging malayo na kami sa isa’t isa at hindi nman siya humingi ng academic help sa akin. Cumlaude ako noon samantalang siya ay lumuhod lang sa dean namin just to graduate. Hindi ko alam kung baka dahil sa magkalayong estado namin sa school ang lihim na dahilan kung bakit hindi kami pwede. May mga panahon pa nga noon na lagi raw niya akong ipinagmamalaki sa mga classmates namin kahit hindi naman siya tinatanong. Kaya naisip ng lahat na may gusto siya sa akin. Pero nung malapit na ang graduation, sinabi raw niya na kaya lang ako nagiging honor student ay dahil magaling lang ako sa minor subjects at binabalanse ko lang ang average. Nang tinanong ko siya ay itinanggi niya yun.
Marami ring beses na binalak niya akong sundan sa lahat ng organizations na kasali ako. Yun nga lang yung pinakasikat na organization ng honor students ay nabigo siyang sumali. He never made it to dean’s list.
Nung pinayagan siya ng dean na makagraduate, he immediately texted me. nagulat ako dahil ako lang pala tinext niya. Pero hindi ko na pinansin un. I said it’s too late for us. Un ngang araw2x kmi nagkikita ay walang nangyari ano pa kaya after graduation.
Then days after graduation, our common friends and the two of us went to our friend’s province for a small graduation party. Pinilit nila na sumama ako kasi may sasabihin daw siya sa akin. Pero hanggang sa nakabalik kami ng Davao ay hindi rin niya nasabi. Tinanong nila kung bakit at sinabi nila na sab niya hindi niya nasabi dahil baka daw may makarinig.
1 year later, nakahanap ako ng special someone, at yun ang nobyo ko until now. Masaya naman ako sa kanya. Simple lang siya. Hindi siya college graduate. Malayo ang itsura niya sa taong kinahumalingan ko sa mahabang panahon. Sobrang bait nya at maalaga. So after few months, sinagot ko ang aking present boyfriend. Mula noon, hindi ko na masyadong naiisip ang tungkol sa kanya hanggang sa nalaman ko na may girlfriend na rin siya na medyo same profile like me: matalino compare to him, simple, mas may edad nang konti kesa sa kanya, slightly chubby, and with same birth month, bread winner din sa family. Nakaramdam ako ng konting selos nun, pero kalaunan ay wala na ako pakialam.
Akala ko noon ay nakalimutan ko na siya. Pero ngayon na ikakasal na siya, nakakaramdam ako ng sakit. Hindi ako naiyak pero sobra akong distracted. Lagi ko siyang naiisip at ung mga pinagsamahan namin. Labis akong naiinis, nagtataka at nanghihinayang na hindi ako nag end up with him. Mabigat na sa puso ko ang agony na ito. Iba na kasi ang sitwasyon ngayon. I don’t want to be attached to him still dahil mali. 1 week na lang at siya ay legally married na. Ako rin ay malapit na this year. Gusto ko na makalimutan na siya. Pero hindi ko alam kung paano siya lilimutin nang seryosohan at panghabambuhay. Hindi ko alam kung kaya ba ako naiinis ay dahil nauna siyang ikinasal sa akin or what. Matagal ko nman ng alam na live in sila ng soon to be wife nya at imposible nman na walang nangyayari sa kanila pero hindi ako nakaramdam ng selos. Nung mga panahon na yun ay masaya naman ako para sa kanya pero bakit biglang ngayon ay hindi na. Malaking kasalanan ang magkaron pa rin ng feelings sa tao na nakatali na, at yun ang gusto kong paglabanan. Sa tingin niyo ba may pag-asa na malimot ko siya at ano ang dapat kong gawin?
Maraming salamat po.
Jen-Jen
ANSWERS
Dear Jen-Jen,
First of all thank you giving us the opportunity to help you with issue. I hope that I can give you an insight to help you decide on the best path to take with regards to your problem.
Now focusing on your issue, I can clearly understand why you have such confusions about this matter. The fact that you both became good friends, have to go through the good and the bad times regardless of how you both react on the circumstances, both of you were able to manage to stay as friends. However, the fact that you have feeling for him yet you keep on denying such feelings made you lose the opportunity to really know whether he has feelings for you or not. Sometimes, people tend to over think, and if they do, the assume things, not knowing that they are complicating things and worst is losing an opportunity of a lifetime. Sad to say that the worries and doubts and that pain you are feeling right now is from the fact that you are living a life of “WHAT IF”. You are still thinking of how life could have been different if you and you first crush/love ended up together.
I would love to give you my views on how you should have reacted and carry out the situation but doing so will only make you feel more sorry for yourself. Nothing can ever make you guys fall back on each other’s arms since you both are too proud or too shy to admin and confess your feelings for each other. Instead let me tell you this, people make mistakes, and most often than not we suffer the end results of our reckless actions, but what a profound person can only do is move forward and forget the past and learn from it, since whatever we do today, we cannot bring the past back to the present. Perhaps it would be better if you focus more on what you have now than thinking of what you could have had if you and your first crush/love had ended up together. You mentioned that you are about to be married with your current boyfriend, right? So focus on the happy moments you have with him.
I also suggest to keep away all the things that will remind you of your first crush/love for the sole purpose if preventing you to wander again to the “what-if’s” of your life. This will be healthier in your part and it would be fair for your current partner as well. As per your first crush/love, he had one too many chance to confess his true feelings for you but he was too weak to overcome his doubts and uncertainty, but he has moved on and decided to marry a different woman. To me, this is also a sign that you just have to move on. As the old saying goes “Pag gusto madaming paraan, Pag ayaw madaming dahilan”. With this, it’s clear that he could have done many things to have you as his special one but he never did. So move on, I am pretty sure that your fiancé is worth your time and love for he is more willing to give you his name.
I hope that I was able to help you out.
Good Luck,
SON
******************
Dear Jenni,
You are a wise woman. A bright woman like you is supposed to be in her right senses. Ikaw na rin ang nagsabi na hindi naging kayo, and he never admitted then that he loves you. Sinabi mo rin na di ka nakaramdam ng selos even if you knew for quite a while that he was living in with his soon-to-be wife.
In my analysis of what you have related, you were only attracted to him. Sometimes, attraction is mistaken for love, and that’s what happened to you. There was no mutual feeling between the two of you. You only assumed there was, but the truth is there was none.
Yung itinatanong mong pag-asa na malimot mo sya ay napakalaki. Ang lahat kasi ay nasa isip mo lang. Nasaktan lang kasi ang ego mo dahil mas mauuna siyang ikasal kaysa sa iyo. Focus your mind and attention to your present boyfriend. Sinabi mo rin naman na masaya ka sa kanya. Isa pa, sabi mo ay malapit na rin kayong ikasal. So, bakit mo pa guguluhin ang isip mo, higit ang buhay mo, sa kakaisip sa isang taong hindi naman ikaw ang iniisip?
Mag-concentrate ka na lang sa taong nagmamahal sa iyo ngayon at sa mga bagay na nagpapaligaya sa iyo habang nasa piling nya. Alisin mo ang thoughts ng past ninyo ng lalaking tinutukoy mo. Di man siya mawala ng mabilis sa isip mo, but in the long run, you will definitely forget him. Try it now…kaysa naman masira pa ang smooth relationship ninyo ng present boyfriend mo. It is not worth breaking because of someone who doesn’t love you.
Sincerely,
MOM
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